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Friday, July 03, 2009

Announcing Podcastathon 2009

If you’ve been around Facebook or the Hucklebug blog you may have already seen this news, but in case it’s passed you by somehow:  Blogathon 2009 is officially ON.  The Hucklebug will be podcasting for 24 straight hours with the goal of KICKING CANCER’S ASS.  We are fully registered with Blogathon.org and ready to accept your sponsorships!  Here are the details:

- WHEN:  July 25th, 9am EST/6am PST through July 26th, 9am EST/6am PST.  Mark you calendar!
- WHERE:  Hucklebug.com—every half hour, a new tiny episode.
- WHO:  Bet & Stennie, your Hucklebug hostesses.  Plus, special guests!
- WHY: We are blogathonning on behalf of The American Cancer Society, because—as unpopular as this opinion may be, we believe CANCER SUCKS!  Yes, I said it, and I am not ashamed of it.

Do you hate cancer?  If you do, please SPONSOR US and help us kick cancer’s ass for 24 straight hours!  It is only Day 3 of sign-ups, and already the Hucklebug is in 4th place for total donations!  Please pledge some money and let’s see us move up the ladder a little bit, huh?

OTHER WAYS YOU CAN HELP:
- Of course, as mentioned, you can SPONSOR US.
- You can go to Hucklebug.com and post some comments leaving us good topic ideas.  We will be doing 49 short episodes in 24 hours, and will need lots to talk about!
- You can spread the word via your own blog, Facebook, Twitter, SMS, telephone, smoke signals, Pony Express, or whatever method you most enjoy.  Help us get the word out!
- You can drop around the Hucklebug on July 25th and help keep us awake—listen to the show, and show your support by leaving us comments and letting us know people are out there listening.

All right, Dear Reader, break out the wallet and let’s see those totals start to go up!  One more thing:  If you are squeamish about donating money online, you can contact me or Bet and we are able to make pledges by proxy for you.  We’d be happy to do it, in fact, so don’t be shy about asking.

Happy long weekend, everybody, and don’t forget to get over there and SPONSOR US!!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Who Says?

This afternoon I picked up the mail, and received my subscription renewal from my local NPR station (which is about six month early, but never mind—subject for another blog, perhaps).  In large letters on the outside of the envelope, they pose this puzzler:

“Who Says You Can Only Listen to Radio?  Bending the boundaries at KCRW.”

Well—no one says that.  It’s kind of preposterous, when you think about it—“You can only listen to radio.”  Who would say that?  Why would they?  There are, after all, lots of things one can listen to—CD’s, other people talking, the television set, kitty cats meowing, traffic, choirs singing, the upstairs neighbors, etc.  Maybe the emphasis was supposed to be on listen, as in “Who says you can only listen to radio?” implying that now it is also possible to read the radio, and watch it, and smell it, and take it bowling.  But no one says that either, to my knowledge; no one has ever told me, “You can only listen to the radio, as opposed to doing other fun things with it that are not auditory in nature.”  No one says it because that is pretty obvious.  Although—you can also ignore the radio, yell at the radio, turn down the radio, etc., so even that’s not really accurate.

This got me thinking about television commercials, and how often they use this idea of “Who says” as a tagline, for example, “Who says you can’t love what you drive?”  I can’t think of a specific car commercial that uses that tagline, but it sounds like the kind of thing one might throw into a commercial.  And again—no one says it, because it is patently untrue.  It’s different if their hook is something like “Who says you can’t go home again,” because “You can’t go home again” is an oft-repeated homily; lots of people say it.  But no one says “You can’t love what you drive,” and basing your entire commercial on a false premise like that is really weak copywriting if you ask me.

As an experiment, I typed “Who says” into the Google to see what it would come up with.  Here you go:
- Who Says Elephants Can’t Dance?, which is apparently a book title.  I don’t know that anyone’s ever said (to me, at least), “Hey!  Elephants can’t dance!”  But I will save you the trouble right now and just tell you—they can’t.  No rhythm.
- “Who Says Video Games Have to Be Fun?” is the title of an article on a gaming website (Gamasutra, which I think is pretty clever).  I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say this either, but for some reason I kind of like the idea behind this.  “Let’s make games that aren’t fun!  There’s a whole untapped market of boring, lame-ass games out there!”
- “Who Says Innovation Belongs to the Small?” asks The New York Times.  Again—no one says that.  It’s not true, that’s why.
- “Who Says A Woman Can’t Be Einstein?” asks Time Magazine.  Well, I’ve never heard that, but a woman could be Einstein.  If her last name is, you know, Einstein.  A woman probably couldn’t be Albert Einstein, because he already was Albert Einstein, and he was a man, and he is dead.
- Then U.S. News & World Report asks “Who Says a Hospital Stay Can’t Be Fun?”  I don’t know of any doctor or nurse or anyone who’s said, “You’re not allowed to have fun here,” but the general idea behind a hospital stay is illness, disease, treatment or injury.  I suppose it could be fun if you’re there to have a baby, and everything goes really well, and it doesn’t even hurt that much, and you have your family all there with you, celebrating.  But that’s kind of the only situation I can think of.  The article is about luxury amenities in some hospitals like flat-screen TV’s and wireless internet.  And yeah, those things are fun, but I also have them at home, where I am not slated for surgery tomorrow.

So, I guess my point is—everyone stop using this “Who says” thing, unless you’re actually talking about things people actually say.  That’s all I’m saying.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

How to Tell if You’re a Scumbag

All right, Dear Reader, it all comes down to this.  The lowest of the low.  As many horrible filthy words there are out there to describe people who suck, to me the worst possible thing I could call anybody is a strictly PG word—Scumbag.  Assholes, as I said, are aware of their negative impact on others, they just don’t care.  That’s really the defining characteristic of the Asshole.  Scumbags, on the other hand, depend on that negative impact, because they profit by it.  Feeding on the weaknesses of others is how the Scumbag gets ahead.  I sincerely hope that no one reading this is a Scumbag, but let’s find out.  Here’s how to tell if you are one:

- You are soulless and without conscience.
- You exploit the weak, the poor, and/or the ignorant to further your own agenda and for financial gain.
- You are Glenn Beck.
- You possess no opinion or standards of your own, you merely adopt those of others when you can use them to your gain.
- No rules, whether they be societal norms or laws of the land, apply to you.  You are above them.
- You see nothing wrong with cruelty to animals—they’re a lower order, after all, and we have dominion over them.
- You are abusive to others around you, whether it be physically, emotionally or mentally.
- You are Dick Cheney.
- You are a spammer (I mean a real spammer here, not someone who forwards jokes to everyone in their contact list—that’s annoying, but it’s not scummy).
- You create viruses, malware and trojans for fun or profit.

I should point out that creating viruses for testing purposes because you’re an IT professional is not scummy, it’s commendable.  Glenn Beck is either a scumbag or he is completely batshit insane—but I’m leaning towards scumbag.  Preying on people’s irrational fears, instead of educating them on why those fears are irrational, and using that fear to power your ratings and book sales—that is the top of the Scumbag list in my eyes.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

How to Tell if You’re an Asshole

We’ve moved into the next phase of classification of nefarious persons.  Tools and Douchebags are considerably lower on the scale than Assholes and Scumbags—lower, that is, in that they are less harmful.  The primary difference is that Tools and Douchebags are ignorant of their negative impact on others, because they are not aware that there are others around them.  Assholes are aware of their negative impact, but don’t care.  Scumbags depend on that negative impact—but I am getting ahead of myself.  Scumbags are next.  Today we’re investigating Assholes.  I hope that no one reading this blog is an Asshole, but here’s how to tell if you are:

- You routinely speed on residential streets, run stop signs, and tailgate.
- You belittle others in order to make yourself look better.
- You’re Donald Trump.
- You drive a Hummer (also a Scumbag car).  And you park your Hummer in Compact spots.
- You use your power—or your perceived power—to intimidate others.
- You are Tom Cruise.
- You park in handicapped spaces even though you are not authorized to.
- You cheat on your spouse (bonus scumbag points if your spouse has cancer—John Edwards and Newt Gingrich, I’m looking at you).
- You get in the express lane with more than 10 items (I’m not talking about 11 items in the 10 item lane—I’m talking about 30 items or more).
- You talk on your cell phone during movies in the movie theatre.
- You are Simon Cowell.

Pretty sure Simon Cowell isn’t reading this blog, but if he is, I imagine he’s been called worse.

Also, just as an edification—I probably should have mentioned this sooner—if you meet only one of these criteria, it’s possible that you’re not an Asshole.  One time getting into the Express Lane with 20 items because no one else was around, that doesn’t make you an asshole.  Just so we’re clear.  Continual, repeated combination of two or more of the above… I’m afraid I can’t help you.

Monday, June 22, 2009

How to Tell if You’re a Tool

Welcome to the next in our series, Dear Reader.  As a primer for this course, you are expected to have already read How to Tell If You’re a Douchebag.  Today we will be discussing Tools.  There are a myriad definitons in the Urban Dictionary; many of them are wrong, but the #16 definition gels most closely with the way I define it.  Here’s how to tell if you are one yourself:

- You are frequently thrown out of bars for fighting.
- You enjoy the refreshing taste of canned domestic beers.
- You drive a Fiero*.
- You believe hollering at girls from your Fiero may convince them to sleep with you.
- You dip Copenhagen, Skoal or other snuff tobacco products.
- You paint your face and/or body when you attend sporting events.  You also drink excessively and riot in the streets whether your team wins or loses.  If you are English, you are what’s known as a football hooligan.
- Your wallet is attached to your belt loop by a chain.
- Your neighbors often complain of your music being too loud, or your Fiero being up on blocks in the front yard.
- You fervently believe to this day that Married With Children was the greatest show in television history.
- You use the word “bro” excessively.
- If you are a woman (women can be tools), you use a lot of Aqua Net hair spray.

When I did the douchebag list, I was able to list a number of famous people who are douchebags. There aren’t a whole lot of famous tools, because usually with fame comes money, and money is mostly what separates tools from douchebags.  A tool is really just a douchebag from the wrong side of the tracks.  Like their douchebag brethren, the tool’s greatest sin is not really cottoning on to the idea that there are other people in the universe.  However, another thing the tool has in common with the douchebag is the fact that they are still redeemable.  It’s entirely possible to be a tool in high school and eventually grow out of it.  It’s also possible that you’ll grow up to be an Asshole, which we will cover next in our series.

* A note about the Fiero.  There are many different types of cars that tools may drive—pickup trucks, for example.  But not everyone who drives a pick-up truck is a tool.  However, no one but a tool would drive a Fiero.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Things You’d Already Know This Week if You Were Following Me on Twitter

Time again to catch all of you up on my Week in Tweets, for the benefit of those poor souls who are still not following me on Twitter.  Look at all you’re missing!

@stennieville: (via @dbferguson and @craignewmark) RT @rkref: Frank Rich’s Must Read: The Obama Haters’ Silent Enablers http://bit.ly/169wlC
- I posted this to my Facebook page as well, it’s Frank Rich’s editiorial in last week’s Sunday Times.  A great read.

@stennieville:: Aw, I am so jealous of Austan Goolsbee right now.
- This one needs context:  Austan Goolsbee (Obama economic advisor) was the first guest on The Colbert Report on Monday, Stephen’s first day back from Iraq.  At the end of the interview, Goolsbee leaned over the table and rubbed Stephen’s newly-shorn head.  And I died a little.

@stennieville:: http://twitpic.com/7lg3i - Anybody wanna come over and play?
- Um, pretty sad and pathetic, actually—no one responded. So here I sit, playing Rockband all on my own.

@stennieville:: Hee hee | RT: @pourmecoffee: I have never been as outraged by anything in my life as Glenn Beck is by everything in his.
- I highly recommend following @pourmecoffee, by the way. Every tweet a gem.

@stennieville:: @hodgman‘s wonderful speech from last night’s Radio & TV Correspondent’s dinner: http://bit.ly/5yk5b *SLOW CLAP* Bravo, sir.
- Just posted this morning.  John Hodgman did a wonderful speech on Jocks vs. Nerds at last night’s dinner, please hit that link to see the YouTube vid.  Great stuff.

@stennieville:: Also, here’s @BarackObama‘s keynote speech from last night: http://bit.ly/137NJf (I love how much he laughs at his own jokes)
- Our Prez was also at the dinner, speaking just before Hodgman, giving a fun speech of left-over jokes that weren’t good enough for the White House Correspondent’s dinner last month.

It’s hard to believe you guys haven’t all just flocked to Twitter when I post these exciting updates every week.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Coming Attractions

Summer is about to begin, so here is a sneak preview of a few things that will be coming soon to a blog near you, Dear Reader.  Bear in mind that these are topics that I have planned, but I’ll blog about other things as they come up—this isn’t everything I’m going to do all summer.

Coming in the remainder of June!
- Based on the success of the “How to Tell if You’re a Douchebag” entry, I will also be posting the classifications of Tool, Asshole and Scumbag.  Those will be coming up next week.

Coming in July!
- Blogathon 2009—coming July 25th, 2009.  I won’t be doing the Blogathon here in on the Stennieville blog; instead Bet & I will tackle another Podcastathon on the Hucklebug.  Watch this space for shameless begging for donations, though.  As well as my Facebook page and my Twitter feed.  You won’t be able to escape it, so you might as well donate.
- Movieblog Challenge!—This is a self-imposed challenge:  for the entire month of July, I will do a full movieblog review immediately following every movie I watch.  In order to accomplish this, of course, I have to begin by bringing all my June entries up to date.

Coming in August!
- Six Days Trapped in a Car With My Mother (and Her Dog), an at least six-part series detailing my road trip from New Jersey to California with my Mom.  We will be traveling through NJ, PA, OH, IN, IL, IA, NE, CO, UT, AZ, NV, CA.  We should have high-speed internet in our hotels along the way, so watch for dispatches from the road, pictures, fun facts, and possible rants about my mother.
- CD Mix #10:  The Last Hurrah.  Upon my return from the road trip, either at the end of August or maybe early September, we will convene for one last go-round of the infamous CD Mix Exchange.  #10 will be a Do-Over, using tracks from previous mixes.  Any requests, feel free to leave ‘em in the comments.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Morning Edition - hard hitting news

I awoke to this story on Morning Edition.  The continuing bad news about California’s dwindling education funds grows more and more depressing by the day.  And I have to say, as much as I love Renee Montaigne, only a reporter of Steve Inskeep’s caliber could have reported this news story effectively.

Please click to listen—it’s a very short piece.  Personally, I agree with the fourth grader.

Morning Edition

Friday, June 12, 2009

Things You’d Already Know This Week if You Were Following Me on Twitter

Happy Friday, everyone!  This week I picked up a new Twitter follower, our own Dishy Michelle is following me down the path of microblogging and social networking.  You can now find her on Twitter as @Jacksier622.  If you are one of the ever-decreasing number of people who do not yet follow me on Twitter, here are a few things you missed this week:

@stennieville: http://twitpic.com/6uffw - Libelled Lady, 1936
- While watching Sunday Morning Movie, I snapped a little picture of it.  So there.

@stennieville: Jury’s in on Colbert’s buzz cut, verdict is: Awesome. Makes him look ten years younger, not that he needed it. http://bit.ly/jepx5
- I had a lot of Stephen Colbert-related twittering going on this week, my apologies to non-fans (not sure why you are following me if you are a non-fan, though, I mean—why would you?)

@stennieville: Pretty sure there is a special table reserved in Hell for people who murder people in churches or in Holocaust museums.
- I have a lot of beliefs about designated tables in Hell.

@stennieville: Good Lord. Thank you, New York, for making the CA State legislature slightly less embarrassing by comparison. http://bit.ly/1R9AK
- I mean, things are bad here in CA, but at lesat we don’t have half the state Senate locking the other half out of the chamber.

@stennieville: My inner NPR nerd meets my outer Colbert fangirl. http://bit.ly/e5093
- NPR’s Morning Edition did a brief story on The Colbert Report’s week in Iraq with the USO.

@stennieville: Holy crap. RT @nprnews Woman Who Missed Air France Flight Dies In Car Crash http://tinyurl.com/lyeq5v
- This week’s saddest and most ironic story.

@stennieville: Following @MoviesOnTCM makes me wish I could call in sick and just stay home & watch movies all day.
- All day long at work, I’m seeing notifications pop up that Treasure of the Sierra Madre is coming up next, or High Noon or a block of Preston Sturges films.

@stennieville: Facebook users read! RT: @acarvin: Blog post about the scam someone tried to pull on Facebook earlier this week: http://is.gd/ZVxX
- Facebook-using friends, beware and please read this article, and watch out for this latest scam.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Incompetent at recycling

I keep seeing this awful match.com ad on TV—the same one Bet lamented the last time we did “Commercials We Hate” on the Hucklebug.  It features a young, vaguely annoyingly schmoopy couple in a sushi bar, trading “I promise to” vows to one another.

The woman goes “I promise to take out the recycling. Even though I think you are WAY better at it than I am.”

How exactly can one be better at recycling?  More importantly, the corollary: how can one possibly be bad at recycling?  What, does she put the paper in with the bottles by accident, every single time?  “Oh, honey, darn it, I did it again!  Guess I just don’t understand this whole recycling thing.”  Does she fall down every time she takes it out?  Does she put it in the trunk of the car instead of out to the curb?  Accidentally puts the cat in the bin along with the plastics?  Puts the laundry out on the curb instead?  What is she doing wrong?

Does she just go out there and sit in the recycling bin, maybe?  Every Tuesday, I picture her boyfriend coming home and finding her sitting in the recycling bin, and he knowingly says, “You tried to take out the recycling again, didn’t you?  Honey, I told you to leave that to me, didn’t I?”

When you consider how truly awful she is at recycling, it’s really quite a sacrifice for her to promise to always take out the recycling even though he’s way better at it than she is.  That’s true love right there.  That’s sacrifice.

Either that or she is incredibly passive-aggressive and can’t even make stupid schmoopy love promises to a guy without subtly reminding him that the newspaper bin is overflowing again.